I’m a big fan of sucking it up.

…but that is so hard to do sometimes.

I lied to myself when I said I’d be all right with staying here in small town Kentucky all summer. I know I have classes to take and things to accomplish and trying to travel or find a place to live other than here would be too complicated. With the price of living I should just be happy to have work coming in and classes to take and move on.

However, as the egotistical being I’ve become lately I am a little more than displeased about having to slum here all summer when my friends who are less talented than me all got great audio company jobs and even jobs in huge unions this summer while I’m stuck with my failing summer program.

Maybe it’s not failing…maybe I’m failing it because I don’t love it anymore.
Its not that I don’t love it…I just…well, I think they need to find someone who loves it more than I can, who can give it more time and patience than I can.

I decided last night at about 12:30 that this is my last year. I don’t want to hang around after graduation next year, try to make it through May in Hicksville, and work through June and July. I don’t think so.

So here I am a little more than irritated, a little less than depressed. I went to Taco Bell for lunch with Sean before he left to go home until June and ate too much so I’m a little upset about that too…dang, why does my emotional state have to manifest itself in what I shove down my throat.

Tomorrow starts Maymester, a three week educational extravaganza in which I sit in a classroom for two and a half hours a day and learn about the Restoration Movement.

I was lying to myself when I said I’d enjoy it.

I won’t. I will enjoy few things this summer but as I said I’m a big fan of sucking it up.

Before he got in the car to leave Sean said he’d miss me.
I’m going to miss him more than he realizes.

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