split up with my boyfriend (for the better)
tried a new cafe in my hometown
attempted to crochet a book cover (hasn’t worked yet)
cooked dinner for my mother and sister
watched You Are What You Eat on the BBC
moved out of the room where I stayed all summer
turned in my storage keys, stage key, stage pass, staff card, and dorm key
investigated new job opportunities
engaged in some dirty text messaging
gone on a two mile hike
made a pot of tea
went on a production errand for my father’s ex-company
bought gas (barf)
sampled McDonald’s iced coffee…I’m of the opinion that it is a gift to us from God.
finished a posting for an online class
finished another online class
and all this is just today.
I think I’ll be all right.
I am having such a hard week.
I knew it would be hard, with this being the last week and all but this is just…so difficult.
No one here knows what I’m feeling and attempting to explain it is just useless. Ugh.
Ever have a fight that you know you have to fight…but not the strength to fight it?
that’s where I am.
Tonight is my last Sunday night kickoff show.
I don’t know if I can leave this.
Every time I think about leaving I tear up.
I walked in to set up week with a feeling of dread…I didn’t think I’d make it through this conference again. After last year I felt like I shouldn’t be here or doing this job. The blog I wrote in May came to mind…when I said “the summer program needs someone who will love it more than I can,” (or something like that). I limped through the first two days of set-up thinking I might make it with enough positive thinking and time away from work.
By kickoff I sat backstage and cried because I was so happy to be back on my show. There’s no substitute, especially after slumming for eight months on someone else’s show…or multiple shows.
Since that day, four weeks ago I’ve had a great time and its been a fantastic experience. I’ve worked with great bands, great speakers, and made great contacts for when I go off in to the real world (in a few months).
I’ve realized there is almost no one who loves this program as much as I do…my only worry is about who I’m going to leave the show with…This is my last year, I really need to move on…but that’s the part that’s upsetting right now. I probably shouldn’t talk about it too much…it tends to make me weepy.
I can just say I’ve never been so happy to be wrong in my life.