I have two options of what I can do this summer:
I can go to rock festivals with my sister and my best friend and travel around the country and enjoy my last summer as a free woman before law school and life take over. I can go to Turkey with my History professor (for free) and spend ten days learning about the Turkish culture. My sister can go too (for free) and it’ll be a fabulous summer.
Or I can go on the road for 14 weeks with a touring company that’s been asking for me for two years. I will make upwards of four thousand dollars (which will really help in my future life) and I can get the road bug out of my system before I go and mess up my life by trying to go on a two year tour when I should be…being in law school or something.
I know its September and I shouldn’t be thinking about the future so quickly…but its coming up quickly. My life is rushing toward me and I don’t know which path to take.
The man asked me to marry him. I know its premature and its quick and its everything I’ve said I’d never do.
but I want to.
I want to marry him and move to Texas with him in September. I’ve never wanted to marry anyone before…
Every time I try to formulate a plan for my life it comes back to bite me. I think I’m just going to roll with it.
and next Monday when I go see My Morning Jacket (a fabulous band!) I’m going to ask my sister and my best friend what they want to do this summer.
So the man and I were walking around campus last night.
I’ll try to keep the man’s name to myself…I don’t really know why other than I don’t like to publicize my life on the internet.
So we were walking…yeah, established that.
and then we sat down…
and had conversation.
and he said “Do you realize we could have been dating for two months already?”
and I, since I can’t control my facial expression most of the time, got one of those huffy looks on my face and didn’t say anything.
there’s a reason we didn’t start dating until we did.
Heck if I know it.
He does everything that men are supposed to do, he’s nice, he’s charming, we have a good time together…He doesn’t say stupid things, he’s nice to my friends, I’m nice to his friends…its just so…
I’m scared that this one might actually work.
which its grossly premature to be thinking about such things.
I got a road job…this summer. I’ll be gone from May to August.
in August I’m moving to Texas
These next few months have the potential to be phenomenal.
The only thing that would possibly make life better at this moment is if I had all my homework done (right) and an unlimited amount of shows to work…conversely: if I never had to work a show again because at this moment in my life I have the same content, fulfilled feeling I get from days of work…and I’ve not worked in months.
I’m just so happy. Its a feeling I haven’t felt in months and I’ve missed it.
I really have missed it.
I never searched for fulfillment and happiness in another person but, wow. I’m with the most fantastic man ever. Aren’t you jealous.
I think I’ll add this relationship to the growing list of things I was wrong about.
I love surprises.
I feel quite a bit better after the events of a few weeks ago.
I don’t know how I can say I feel better, but I do.
These past few weeks have been eye-opening. I’ve learned too much about myself and this revelation has been both exciting and disturbing.
I quit the promotions company because I hate the person I am when I work for them. I’m obnoxious (more than usual) I say things I shouldn’t say. I think things I shouldn’t think and do things I shouldn’t do. I like the work, love the money, but hate the person I am.
The age old question of selling one’s soul presents itself.
I’ve made friends with a baby…he has Down Syndrome but he’s the most gorgeous little thing I’ve ever encountered. I love him, he doesn’t care if I have a union card, if I make a 4.0 or get a 180 on the LSAT, if I gain or lose weight at weight watchers, if I say swear words when I’m trying to quit…he just sits with me and we talk about things…or I talk to him.
I’ve made friends with a man…I wish I didn’t care about him. He’s all right…but I have a feeling its going to end badly so I’m trying not to pursue it, or to want to pursue it. He doesn’t care if I have a union card, if I make a 4.0 or get a 180 on the LSAT, if I gain or lose weight at weight watchers, or if I say swear words when I’m trying to quit.
But I just don’t know.
I like music right now…and that’s about it.