This week should be stricken from the record.

We the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful; We have done so much, for so long, with so little; We can now do virtually anything with nothing!

That is the stagehands creed.
Its a joke, but its true on several levels.

It applies to my other job pretty well too…at least the doing the impossible for the ungrateful part does.

I’m sick of school. I’m sick of being tired all the time and never getting anything accomplished. I just want it to be Thanksgiving break, that I have to spend on campus working–what a stupid decision.

College has gotten really old really quick and I just want it to be over.

I’m supposed to be planning a wedding but I can’t. I can’t look at dresses or think about invitations, or do anything like it…I just can’t. I’m hoping I get over it…but right now I’m convinced he’s going to go home and someone is going to talk him out of marrying me…and I’m not going to be able to talk him back in to marrying me, because maybe I never wanted to get married in the first place and I’ve just been putting up a front because he’s so excited about it. Yeah, that sounds exactly like something I would do. I just don’t know. I just can’t be serious or excited about it.

I’m angry at my sister for being a selfish ass. I hate that she disagrees loudly with every decision I’ve made in the past few months and think she knows better than me what to do with my life. I can’t stand it. It makes me not want to be around her. I wanted her to be my maid of honor in my wedding..that probably isn’t going to happen anyway….but I don’t think she’ll behave or act mature enough to do it. I want her to be happy for me and she won’t stop hating my decisions long enough to do it. I don’t think I can handle it.

I’m working Thursday and I’m kind of happy about it. I have a feeling I’m getting sick, or at least a deep chill has found its way in to my bones and I can’t get it out. I just want to sleep but I know I shouldn’t. I’m so upset this week and I don’t know why.

I just want to go home and stay for a week in my parents house.
but I know I’ll get bored as soon as I get there, with no friends to hang out with and no plans. I will get work done, and that will make me happy.

So I’m going to focus on getting work done for right now.

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