I’m at an extremely dangerous and frightening place in my life.
While driving around civilization aka Lexington, Kentucky today I watched every car passing by and wondered if the people driving them were happy. I wondered if there was anyone in the entire city (of about 90,000 people…100,000 when UK is in session) feeling the same way I was.
It hit me in Sportsman’s Warehouse that I’m no longer interested in anything. I watched the man drool over guns, tents, and hunting accessories and I wished I could summon up passion about SOMETHING. Anything…Even if its ridiculous I just want something.
In Half Price Books I looked at records for my sister and saw a few things I should go nuts over…but I didn’t. I bought two books that I’m praying (and communicated this to ShainaN earlier) that I can read. I just…The thought of sitting in one place long enough to read a book is irritating to me for some reason.
In Barnes and Noble I bypassed books completely and headed for the cafe so I could read magazines and listen to other people’s conversations. There was a woman having a job interview with a severe looking woman with blond hair and a black suit. That got me wondering whether or not there will be job interviews for Liz in the future.
In Gap and Old Navy I looked at clothes to wear to work and laughed out loud at the prospect of having a real job…or a career…or going to school…or anything.
And that is the gist of it ladies and gentlemen. I have no idea. I am in a very dangerous place in my life because I have no idea where to go next. I feel like I’m too old to be daydreaming about what I want to be when I grow up and don’t want to get sucked in to a job I don’t want and bypass an opportunity for a great career.
I just have no idea.
and I have a feeling this is one of those things that won’t get better…it’ll just keep growing and growing until its so much more than just sitting in my car wondering if other people are happy…
…and I don’t know how to talk about it either, except for blogging about it. I just feel like everyone else has it all together and can’t understand why I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life. Why am I so lost all of a sudden? I’ve supposedly always known what I wanted in life…what’s happening now? My head is spinning and I’m about to cry from frustration and sadness.
I just wish someone would tell me what to do.
its worked my entire life…why not now?